Німеччина. Der Sandmann

 

E.T.A. Hoffmann

Der Sandmann

(Erstdruck 1817)


Nathanael an Lothar

Gewiß seid Ihr alle voll Unruhe, daß ich so lange - lange nicht geschrieben. Mutter zürnt wohl, und Clara mag glauben, ich lebe hier in Saus und Braus und vergesse mein holdes Engelsbild, so tief mir in Herz und Sinn eingeprägt, ganz und gar. - Dem ist aber nicht so; täglich und stündlich gedenke ich Eurer aller und in süßen Träumen geht meines holden Clärchens freundliche Gestalt vorüber und lächelt mich mit ihren hellen Augen so anmutig an, wie sie wohl pflegte, wenn ich zu Euch hineintrat. - Ach wie vermochte ich denn Euch zu schreiben, in der zerrissenen Stimmung des Geistes, die mir bisher alle Gedanken verstörte! - Etwas Entsetzliches ist in mein Leben getreten! - Dunkle Ahnungen eines gräßlichen mir drohenden Geschicks breiten sich wie schwarze Wolkenschatten über mich aus, undurchdringlich jedem freundlichen Sonnenstrahl. - Nun soll ich Dir sagen, was mir widerfuhr. Ich muß es, das sehe ich ein, aber nur es denkend, lacht es wie toll aus mir heraus. - Ach mein herzlieber Lothar! wie fange ich es denn an, Dich nur einigermaßen empfinden zu lassen, daß das, was mir vor einigen Tagen geschah, denn wirklich mein Leben so feindlich zerstören konnte! Wärst Du nur hier, so könntest Du selbst schauen; aber jetzt hältst Du mich gewiß für einen aberwitzigen Geisterseher. - Kurz und gut, das Entsetzliche, was mir geschah, dessen tödlichen Eindruck zu vermeiden ich mich vergebens bemühe, besteht in nichts anderm, als daß vor einigen Tagen, nämlich am 30. Oktober mittags um 12 Uhr, ein Wetterglashändler in meine Stube trat und mir seine Ware anbot. Ich kaufte nichts und drohte, ihn die Treppe herabzuwerfen, worauf er aber von selbst fortging.

Du ahnest, daß nur ganz eigne, tief in mein Leben eingreifende Beziehungen diesem Vorfall Bedeutung geben können, ja, daß wohl die Person jenes unglückseligen Krämers gar feindlich auf mich wirken muß. So ist es in der Tat. Mit aller Kraft fasse ich mich zusammen, um ruhig und geduldig Dir aus meiner frühern Jugendzeit so viel zu erzählen, daß Deinem regen Sinn alles klar und deutlich in leuchtenden Bildern aufgehen wird. Indem ich anfangen will, höre ich Dich lachen und Clara sagen: »Das sind ja rechte Kindereien!« - Lacht, ich bitte Euch, lacht mich recht herzlich aus! - ich bitt Euch sehr! - Aber Gott im Himmel! die Haare sträuben sich mir und es ist, als flehe ich Euch an, mich auszulachen, in wahnsinniger Verzweiflung, wie Franz Moor den Daniel. - Nun fort zur Sache!

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